What to Consider when Choosing a Spouse or Partner
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What to Consider when Choosing a Spouse or Partner

Different things to consider when choosing a spouse/partner, what to consider before marriage.

Here's a list of the main things you should consider when choosing a spouse/partner:

  • Money: What are your money habits and what are your future spouse's/partner's money habits? Are you both spenders or savers, is one a spender and one a saver? Work out a clear budget between the two of you. Will you have a checking account together or have seperate checking accounts? Will you be splitting all the bills in half or how will you be splitting them? Will both of you continue to work if you are both working? Or will one person stay at home? There are many things to consider when it comes to money. There are also many things you should ask yourself and each other so that it is clear how you will manage your money together. Money is one of the top reasons for divorce.
  • Children: The big question about children is do you want to have them and does your spouse/partner want to have children as well? When choosing who to spend your life with it is important to find this out, especially if you are adamant about not wanting to have children or the person you choose does not want children and you do. If you both want children, the next question or concern that comes along is how you will raise the child and what kind of discipline you will use? For example, will you use methods like time out, spankings or taking things away, like toys, for discipline or will you use some combination? Be sure to establish who the main disciplinarian should be and how to handle situations before they happen. Make sure to agree on the fact that neither of you are to appear as the "bad guy" where one spouse takes on all the discipline. You have to stick together and respect each other when it comes to disciplining children, this way the child cannot get away with something simply because one parent said it was okay, while the other did not. Agree to back each other up all the time. For someone who wants a family, meaning both marriage and children, it can be a dealbreaker to be with someone who does not want children.
  • Religion: Religion is a big one because if one spouse/partner doesn't believe the same way or go to the same church, one or both partners may suffer or have to give in to the other's religion and/or church. It is definitely easier to be with someone who has the same religion and views as you. However, it's not impossible to have a good relationship with someone who goes to a different church or has a different religion. There are some people out there who are in relationships with people of a different religion and they work things out to where both partners are satisfied. If you have children, you will also need to discuss how you will raise your child(ren) when it comes to religion? Will the child(ren) learn both religions and go to both churches or will they only go to one church? What about holidays that are centered around religious beliefs as well? You will have to discuss these types of things with your spouse/partner if you have different religions or views. If you are a religious person and you have a relationship with a non-religious person then you will also need to discuss these things. You can begin to see how dating or choosing a spouse or partner with the same or similiar values and beliefs becomes important if you are not one to give into other's sometimes or be flexible. Religion is important because it could potentially split a couple up if two people practice different religions and it creates a divide between them.
  • Sex: Your sexual relationship with a spouse/partner is important too. How often do you enjoy having sex? How often does your spouse/partner enjoy it? The more compatible you are and the more you are willing to work together to make sure you have time for sex, the better your sex life will be. What does your partner enjoy or like when it comes to affection, being loving and making love? These are all things you should talk about with your spouse/partner.
  • Habits: What kind of habits does this person have? Many times you don't know what kind of habits a person has until you've lived with them. Do they throw their clothes all over the floor, leave the toilet seat up, clean fanatically, leave stuff laying out everywhere, pile stuff up, never take out the trash? Ask the person what their bad habits are that way you know what to expect before getting married or living together, this way you're not taken by surprise. You could observe them at their house or apartment or wherever they live beforehand to see what kind of habits they have as well.
  • Likes/Dislikes: What does this person like/dislike when it comes to anything and everything? What kinds of food, entertainment, sports, and work do they like to do? What do they do for fun? Do they have any hobbies, collections, special skills? Do they have a few close friends, lots of friends? 
  • Past: How did they grow up? Where did they grow up? These are important things to learn because it is the background the person has lived through and why they are who they are now. Did they go through anything especially traumatic or some kind of trial in their life? Is there anything you should know about their family, their childhood, their life or past history? Were they ever abused by a family member, friend or an ex? Have they ever been to jail or committed a crime? Have they ever abused or done drugs, smoked cigarettes, been an alcoholic?
  • Opinions: Many people are very opinionated. Some people feel as though they're never wrong. It's important to get an idea of what this person's opinions in life are. Some people don't want to be with someone who doesn't share their same or similiar opinion. Are they democrat, republican, independent? Do they believe in abortion? Do they believe in a God or some kind of higher being? What do they believe in? You could ask any number of questions to get their opinion on anything that's important to you. You could easily ask by saying "What's your opinion on...." or "Do you believe...".
  • Expectations / Role: It's important to talk to a potential spouse/partner or someone you've already chosen as a spouse/partner about their expectations and their role in both life and your relationship. If you are a woman do you expect to stay at home with children if you have any or do you expect to go back to work after having children, do you expect a man to take care of the lawn and fixing anything that's broken, do you expect the man to take out the trash? If you are a man do expect to be the sole breadwinner and the sole provider, do you expect the woman to cook and clean the house and take care of other household chores? Some women and men have preset gender role expectations they should let the other person know about beforehand, to let the other person know this is what they expect. In any situation it is good to have clear expectations and roles that are well defined between the two partners. You should agree to who does what in your household and in your marriage.
  • Compatability: Some people are the opposite, yet they stay together and have a good relationship, while others who are opposite or maybe even the same are just not compatible with one another. Ask yourself do you generally like this person? Do you feel you are at least somewhat compatible to them? Imagine yourself with this person for five years, and then ten years down the road, are you still compatible? If you can see yourself with someone for a lengthened amount of time and you feel very compatible with them, you have a better chance of sticking it out and having a better relationship than with someone you are just not that compatible with.
  • Temperament: What is this person's temperament like? Have you ever seen him/her mad or upset? How do they react in certain situations? Are they laid back, impatient, quick to anger, calm or rude? Temperament is important because in it you can see how people will act in certain situations, like in an argument or fight. Does this person fight fair or fight dirty? This may be something that is important to take into account when choosing a spouse/partner.
  • Future Goals: What kind of goals and aspirations does this person have for their future? Do they have any? Do they plan on going to college or finishing college, getting some kind of job, advancing in their current job, switching jobs, being a housewife, having children and a family, writing a book? What are their hopes and dreams for the future. If you share in some of their hopes and dreams then it will be easier for the both of you to get where you want to go and you can serve as encouragement for each other in getting there.

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Comments (3)

great advice for young people but for me and my partner we are winding down our lives at this point, he is semi retired, and I retired due to disability. Compatability is the number one issue and we are compatable, sex is not a major concideration anymore, we are both sick, and that hampers our sex life but we have each which is the most important thing, we can depend upon each other in every life situation and we have been together for 10 years and still going strong.


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Good article :)